Resources and Advice for Navigating Healthcare

When it comes to healthcare, many individuals who have experienced relational trauma have difficulty: 

  • asking for wants/needs

  • recognizing their own wants/needs 

  • speaking up, especially with perceived authority figures 

As such, it can be helpful to prepare for your visit with language that feels comfortable to you. Here are some generic options: 

  • “Can you please explain that in simpler language?” 

  •  “Can you describe the pros and cons of those options?” 

Here are some options for a procedure or physical exam: 

  • “Can you please tell me what you are going to do before you do it?”

  • “Please ask before you begin any physical examinations.” 

  •  “What can I expect from this [procedure, intervention]?”

It can be hard to remember when we are in a stressful situation like a medical visit that you still have a right to your own personal boundaries and can respectfully decline anything that makes you uncomfortable. However - please remember that providers cannot read minds and if they have limited information, it may mean limiting their capacity to be helpful. Here are some examples for boundary options” 

  • “I would like to decline to be weighed today.” 

  • “I am not ready to decide on [treatment recommendation].”

  • “Can you provide additional resources or reading materials so I can take some time to decide what might be best for me?” 

  • “That question/statement is making me uncomfortable; can you explain whether it is necessary or if we can shift to another question?” 

  • “I prefer not to wear a gown unless it is absolutely necessary.”

  • “I would prefer not to discuss my trauma history unless there is a medically necessary reason you require additional details.”

Many folks with relational trauma struggle with setting boundaries. Here are a couple of resources that include language for how to state the boundary in a clear, direct, and respectful way: 

Some research has found that people remember only around 10% of a primary care visit. Our memories do not work their best when we are stressed and medical visits can be anxiety-provoking for a wide variety of reasons. Knowing this, it can be helpful to write down some notes for yourself ahead of time in preparing for your visit. Consider preparing notes for: 

  • Any symptoms or questions you have about your health or treatment options. It can be helpful to also include frequency of the symptom/problem, intensity, and how disruptive it is to activities in your daily life.  

  • Boundaries or limits you would like to set with language notes/bullet points.

  • Bringing anything you might need to help you feel comfortable in the visit. 

    • This might include grounding tools or things like fidget-toys (even two paperclips can be helpful, it can be best to choose something subtle that is not noisy/distracting for others).
      or

    • Bringing a supportive person in your life who is aware of your goals for the visit and the boundaries you are hoping to set in case it is difficult for you to speak up.

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